Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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