never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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