I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
