oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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