someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
