She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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