wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
