Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
