she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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