Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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