i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
