Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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