one might say we're banned from that church
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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