Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
