The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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