hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
