I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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