Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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