And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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