Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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