Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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