I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
