I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
where am i from again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize