Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
