I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Watching her eat just hurts me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A bitchslap is in order.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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