don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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