Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the raccoons are back...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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