I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So apparently I’m into choking now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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