I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's get the cat blown out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
