i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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