He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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