Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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