I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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