someone owes me an orgasm
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
