she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't deserve a penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
