How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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