You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
