Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize