I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
