I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
