That's when you crack a 10am beer
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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