I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
