I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
