Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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