she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.