He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.