What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup