WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
