my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
