So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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