Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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