So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You took a bar mat shot.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
