I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
