You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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