life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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