Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
