So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
