My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
