so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
