I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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