His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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