I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
