i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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