O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
