I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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