How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
