I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
