I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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