I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
