Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
